“I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart, and make me suffer untold agony.  Every time I have wanted to tell them the truth–that I have no faith–the words do not come, my mouth remains closed.  …In my soul I feel that terrible pain of loss.”  ~Mother Theresa

In this deeply personal triptych, I explore the different ways one can feel lost when they lose their lifelong belief system.  Loss of friends, family, community, meaning, purpose.  The solid ground you have built your life upon slowly turns to shifting sand, and you don’t know how to move forward.  It’s a period of deep loss, confusion, and grief.

In these pieces, I utilize the imagery of faith – iconography – to talk about loss of faith. 

I found solace in knowing that even the exemplar of faith, Mother Theresa, felt similarly in her life.  Her posthumously-published journals show her own struggles with emptiness and darkness and doubt, and with the difficulty of sharing these feelings with her own community.  I utilize quotes from her in each piece to talk about my own loss.

These hand-crafted encaustic-based images are 16x20”, and are composed of wax, resin, paint, pigment, photograph, and metal leaf, on a raised wooden panel. Thanks to Caldera Arts for the residency that allowed me to begin this difficult work.